GLOBAL WARMING

There has been a lot of talk in the media about global warming, even Hollywood stars have jumped on board, so you know it must be important! In any case, I was out for a run the other day and got to thinking about what we can do to help protect our planet. Now, I will admit, as a Canadian who is a non-skiing, non-skating, non-toboganing, non-snowfort builder, non-heavy down parka owner, non-dog sled owner, the idea of global warming is somewhat appealing; there are very few things less enjoyable than opening the door of my cozy home to have my lungs freeze and stop functioning. However, global warming, according to “they”, has numerous down sides. So here is what I figure we could do to help decrease the emissions of carbon dioxide which help lead to global warming – drive faster. Now hear me out.

The way I see it, if everyone drove faster, cars would be used less as we would get to our destinations faster. Instead of having maximum speed limits, we should have minimum speed limits – what used to be a maximum of 110 km/hr is now a minimum of 190km/hr. For those who have driven in Toronto you know that the roads can handle these speeds. The other bonus is that by raising the speed minimum people will have more fun driving, it will release endorphins and adrenaline and all those hormones that make you feel happy and high which is a pretty cool side benefit – not only will we be decreasing harmful emissions, but we will be decreasing road rage as well. I also figure that by raising the speed minimum, people will want to spend more money on their cars, they will want fast cars, sports cars if you will, which will increase demand for Ferraris, Porches, BMWs and the like which will decrease their retail sales tag. Plus, people will love their cars more and not want them to get scratched, bumped, or wrecked, and therefore will drive them less. It’s a win, win, win solution!

By driving faster we can also help decrease obesity. The Calgary Sun recently reported that Calgarians are fat and lazy (the full article may be read at: http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2006/11/29/2545841-sun.html), and I’m sure they’re not the only city who could stand to beef up. If everyone increased their speeds on the road they would be commuting less and giving themselves more time to exercise and grocery shop, plus the attentiveness needed to drive at high speeds would help burn more calories. And I just thought of this, if we also set speed minimums in fast food drive throughs it would make it harder to order, and therefore eat, a greasy, fatty meal – what do you think, should we make it a minimum of 50km/hr with no stopping?

Now, I’m no expert, but I think I may be on to something here – either that or I should go back to thinking about cookies while I run. Let me know if there are any other global issues I should try to solve.